Trump’s Fake Inauguration

On January 20, 2021, everyone was talking about Trump’s latest tweets.

On January 6, he lost his battle to change the electoral college votes.

Undeterred, he tweeted, ”There is still no doubt that I won by a landslide.”

Mitch McConnell and other Senate Republicans were afraid to contradict him.

Trump began to plan for his fake inauguration. 

He started by raising $200 million extra from his supporters.  He tweeted, “Since I won so triumphantly, I deserve a lot of pageantry when I reenter the Oval Office.”

He raised $50,000 for balloons alone.

He raised $100,000 to decorate his Secret Service cars with ribbons.

He raised $75,000 for Melania’s inaugural gown.

He raised $200 so that he could get a better shoeshine.

He raised $80,000 so that he could bribe D.C. officials to let him come up a side street with his motorcade as he headed toward the Capitol Building.

He raised $50,000 to place ads about his fake inauguration in right-wing news outlets.

He called up leaders of the Proud Boys and urged them to attend.

He attempted to reach Ivanka, Jared Kushner, and Donald Jr.   They were all at the airport awaiting a flight to Bolivia.  They were afraid that their pardons might come through too late.

Trump and Melania took dancing lessons in preparation for the Fake Inaugural Ball.  Trump chose the song “The Second Time Around.”

Trump tweeted hints about his new Cabinet picks.  The tweets said that Mike Pence was going to be the head of every Cabinet.  He was the only person who had never ratted on Trump.

Trump was very pleased with his plans.  But at the last minute, something went wrong.

Trump tweeted, “I will be honored to take office again on January 21.”

Numerous people tweeted him back.  They pointed out that Biden was to be inaugurated at noon on January 20.

Trump gazed at his calendar.  Had he possibly gotten the day wrong?

At first, he thought that all was lost.  But then he realized, “It is nothing that can’t be fixed by raising more money.”

Trump tweeted, “My radical, communist opponent, Joe Biden, is trying to take away my victory.  Please give any donation you can spare.  My inauguration will take place, but it needs to be tweaked a little.”

Another $200,000 poured into Trump’s coffers.  He did a lot of rescheduling.

On the morning of January 20, two separate motorcades began to approach the Capitol Building.  Biden, in his motorcade, was cheered by thousands of people wearing masks.

Trump, in his motorcade, was also cheered by thousands of people.   Most did not wear masks.  Most of them looked like werewolves.

The two motorcades reached the steps of the Capitol Building at the same moment.  It looked like it would be an impasse.

However, Biden was a lot more spry than Trump.  All those hours he had spent riding his bicycle paid off.

Biden leaped from his car and ran up the steps to the Capitol Building.  He blew a kiss to his supporters.  He was not girlish. It was just that he spent a lot of time watching the Susan Eno Talk Show.

Trump muttered and cursed as Biden entered the Capitol Building.  He sat in his car in a rage.

Biden appeared on the balcony and waved.  He loudly yelled something that he had always wanted to say:

“You loser!!!”

THE END  (we all hope……..)

GOOD RIDDANCE TO BAD RUBBISH!

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