The Shortest Male Bonding Movie Ever Made

Screenplay by Susan Eno

(Scene:  Evening in the countryside of Montana.  A bubbling brook can be seen in the moonlight.  There is a large rock near the brook.)

(Two men, Murray and Manifred, emerge from the shadows.  They both head toward the rock.)

Murray:   Manifred!  What are you doing here?

Manifred:   Girlfriend kicked me out.

Murray:  Why?

Manifred:  She said I never talk to her.

Murray:  Do you?

Manifred:   Nah.

(Murray and Manifred both sit down on the rock.  A long silence ensues.)

Murray:  My girlfriend kicked me out, too.  She said that all I care about is sex.

Manifred:   So?

Murray:  (somewhat angrily)  It’s not true. I also like her cooking.

(Another long pause.  Only crickets can be heard.)

(Murray gets restless. He shifts somewhat on the rock.)

Manifred:  Hey!  Keep your distance!  This film is not Brokeback Mountain.

Murray:  What are you, homophobic?

Manifred:  Not me!  I think men are okay.

(Both of them look nervous.  They move further apart on the rock.)

Murray:   Wanna talk about sports?

Manifred:  Nah.  All my teams are losing.

Murray:  Politics?

Manifred:   Jeez no.

(Another long silence)

Murray:  Wanna throw pebbles in the creek?

Manifred:  I guess.

(Both of them pitch pebbles.  As each pebble lands, a liquid kerplunk can be heard.)

Murray:  We should stay out a long time to teach our girlfriends a lesson.

Manifred:  Do you think they would notice?

Murray:  Nope.

Manifred:  Wanna head into town?   We could have some brewskies at the Lurid Rooster Tavern.

Murray:  Okay.

(They both stand up from the rock.  But they did not know that it was covered with moss.)

Murray:  Oh no!  My ass is all green.

Manifred:  Mine too.  Ya got any moss remover?

Murray:  No.  I only have lipstick remover.  I’m cheating on my girlfriend.

Manifred:  I guess we’ve run out of things to do.

(So they get in a fistfight.)

(By the end of the fight, everything in sight has been destroyed.  The two men are exhausted.)

Murray (collapsed on the ground):  It hasn’t been such a bad evening.  Wanna do it again sometime?

Manifred (collapsed on the ground):  Sure.


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